Tuesday, 20 January 2009

What is Crusty Worth?

I was taking tea in the conservatory recently, and indulging in a little crumpet with Chu Me, when my bank manager called.

He was rather alarmed at the risks I might face as the British economy gurgled down the plughole of despair.

"Dame Crusty, " he said, " I know you have investments and money located all over the world but in order to protect you, I need to know how much your fortune amounts to."

I was stunned! My crumpet fell to the marble flooring like a pensioner's plate of vol-au-vents as she jumps up to shout "house" at an over 60's bingo night.

Before slamming down the receiver I answered, "Let Crusty just assure you, dear, that my fortune amounts to more than that of Heather Mills put together."


  1. On behalf of the British community, if not the world community, we must never forget the truely valuable financial support that Dame Crusty has unselfishly provided for us all during the current poor economic climate. Current media and political briefings will place most of the credit to a world recovery at the feet of all G7 leaders, and of course Sir Tony Blair. But time will prove the political analysis wrong, as it was Dame Crusty who offered a small percentage, less than half of 0.1% of her personal wealth to save us all. As a very simple working man that I am, God Bless Dame Crusty and not America!

  2. My dearest Crustette....Dame Crusty is moved to moistness by your comments.

    One had hoped to keep this matter secret ... but it's out now ... and we must embrace the facts!

    The media will no doubt try to pin the brooch of credit on G7 but when we considering G4 couldn't make it, poppet, I doubt whether the great British public would think another three members would help - screaming banshees, dear, that's all I ever heard!

    I must however - between you and I - reveal that the half of 0.1% was, in fact, changed at the very last minute to a quarter of 0.1% as one needed the guttering fixed...but I think we will agree that is not worth dwelling on.

    God bless you, dear! Dame Crusty raises her glass to you.