Thursday, 8 January 2009

To Catch A Mouse

I have recently had a problem with a rodent scurrying around my back passage during the night. I realised there was a problem when I noticed something had been munching on one’s Snickers.

Thankfully, it was identified as a mouse and not a rat. I knew that it couldn’t be the latter; Crusty Hall has never had a problem with rats as one pays one’s taxes - though, I do understand how people less fortunate than Crusty could and do suffer such vermin.

Anyhoo …I asked my faithful houseboy, Chu Me, if he would tend to the problem; Back home - in a land far, far away – his village consider mice a delicacy and often, when one is caught, the whole village will sit around the ceremonial table, with the roasted mouse in the centre and feed themselves on its succulent flesh – one now fully appreciates his love of MacDonalds.

He could never hope to find the tools he would use in his village back home, so a visit to B & Q provided him with two simple traps. After 2 nights he came to me with a look of defeat on his face. He has been unable to catch the offender with the chocolate he had put out as bait.

I walked with him to the invaded passage to see if I, in my humble capacity as a Dame of the British Empire, could assist.

As Chu Me stood in front of me, near to tears, I lowered myself carefully to my knees. After a quick shufty, it dawned on me his balls were far too big and he was never likely to catch this Snicker muncher with anything that size. So we broke them up to a far more suitable size and next morning, I snuck out of my room early and there he was, right in front of me; trap shut and stiff as a board!


  1. Have you ever considered the implications of Karma? Methinks not.


  2. My Dear Ophelia,

    I don't think a multitude of sexual positions would have helped catch the little mite any quicker.

    Plus at my age, dear, and trussed up in a whalebone corset, goodness knows what damage one could do to oneself.