Friday, 2 January 2009

The Sun's Bizarre 2008 Awards Revealed.

The Bizarre Awards were recently announced for 2008 by its Biz Ed (although I’m sure that should be spelt differently).

When I first read about the Bizarre awards, I had expected Best Cake Award and Ugliest Child Award to be handed over by the vicar after the raffle at the church hall, however, apparently it is connected with a column in The Sun newspaper.

Gordon Smart, the aforementioned “Biz Ed” has published the list of winners of these truly internationally coveted awards.

Among the winners, this year, are;

Take That (oooohh, Crusty has come over all moist!); they are now Lords of the Bizarre - and how gorgeous the little darlings looked holding up their gongs.

Lady of the Bizarre is Jo Wood. She, after some research, is the wife of Ronnie Wood, who is a rolling stone (now that is bizarre!). Mr. Smart informs us in a delicate, compassionate manner that Ronnie – the rolling stone – has ran off with a Camden tart! (it is truly the stuff of Fairy Tales…may they be blessed with many muffins). While Ronnie has been eloping with pastry, Jo has been “larging it” (I have no idea what that means and can only think little Gordon is getting on down with his homies but I do hope Mrs Wood doesn’t hurt herself while larging whatever it is she feel needs to be enlarged)

Girls Aloud, miraculously, won the Best Pop Award . This apparently wasn’t just for their recent single, “Something Up My Foo-foo”, but for the full years effort they have put into their music (which I have been informed it is).

The awards do start to go downhill soon after, with the Caner of the Year (Gordy getting down with his homies again) and Shagger of the Year, which went to Russell Brand.

Biz Ed Gordy advises us to shove the BAFTAs, BRITs and GRAMMYs; these gongs are the only awards that matter.

Well quite, dear! who wants to adorn oneself in jewels and Versace, be filmed sashaying up a red carpet into a sumptuous venue for a four course meal to receive a stunning trophy, when one can take the tube to The Sun’s reception and pick up a lovely 10-for-the-price-of-one picture frame with a picture of oneself stuck in it in the guise of a newspaper headline?

Naughty knave Russell Brand apparently did not turn up for his award…heaven only knows what picture would have been inserted in that one!!

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