Sunday, 4 January 2009

Katie Price Reveals Herself

Love It's intrepid reporter, Amy Brookbanks, has managed to exclusively find out the answer to the question that, one would imagine, no one has been asking; how does Katie Price manage to achieve her all-over tan without a tan line in sight?

The answer, my little Crustettes, is that she sunbathes naked.

Quite frankly, Crusty didn't expect anything else from her! Miss Brookbanks suggests this is only for the brave, however, I can assure her bravery does not enter into it; there's nothing Crusty likes better, in the hot summer months, than to sunbathe naked in the grounds of Crusty Hall with the relaxing sound of gardener chopping away at one's bush.

Even her husband, Peter Andre, practises this method of tanning. Katie reveals," Peter's got a brown willy!"

One would imagine the size of your breasts would indicate, to your husband, which is the back and which is the front, dear, so we will accept your explanation that the sun is the cause of the discolouration.


  1. I'm sorry - I don't get the point of this entry. Doesn't everyone sunbathe naked?

    Ophelia (Brown) Buttocks

  2. My dearest Ophelia (now complete with colour coding),

    Many of my entries have no point, dear, and are merely there to fill in the blank pages of life within the cyber community….that and pass the time while Chu Me fills my glass and brings me some more nibbles.

    My investigations have revealed that sadly not everyone enjoys the luxury of sunbathing naked like you and I….I have discovered some members of our society indulge in, what is commonly known – and I use the term common accurately – as package holidays. These are people who, evidently, travel in nylon football strips as travel wear, eat processed food from a pre-prepared carton and smell of lager and chip fat.

    I have seen such individuals while being ushered through Newcastle International to my private jet; I had thought they were all cleaning staff but, recently, I thought I would stop and suggest to an official looking gentleman in uniform that they should think about cutting back on the number of employees they had and I was stunned when he pointed out that they were passengers.

  3. What's nylon? Good grief Crusty - you bamboozle me.


  4. Darling Ophelia,

    In the wonderful world of sport, football players wear a simple ensemble of a shirt and pair of shorts (too long and baggy for Crusty's liking!).

    Poor people, in homage to the team they support, buy replicas in man-made fibres, such as Nylon.

    While WE have different outfits for different occasions, these people utilise their strips as daywear, nightwear, Sunday best, travelwear and on one occasion, at a charity ball I was hosting in Newcastle, in place of a tuxedo! Thankfully I had Chu Me grab a firm hold of him and yank him off.