X Factor - Good-bye Diana

There is a God!

Diana Vickers-rhymes-with-knickers has FINALLY been hoofed off the show; though it was a close call. I certainly wish I was wearing my steel toe capped stilettos and given the chance to help her off the stage, the screeching, pipe-punctured banshee.

Alexandra blew Crusty's gusset wide open with both her songs as I had expected...if she doesn't win, I'll eat Chu Me's smalls!

JLS had also found harmony and, on the night, had managed to come together ....oooh err missus, the picture in my mind....Dirty Crusty! ...Dirty Whore!

Eeyore managed two mediocre songs with his usual army of backing singers to hide his weak vocals. I don't know what it is about Eeyore; I think all the old dears out there in voting land and ASBO laden youngsters are voting for him - the latter, probably on mobile phones they've nicked - because he's young and, if you squint, blink your eyes fast enough and turn down the contrast on the TV, cute in a unwanted-puppy kind of way.

Surely the idea of an X-Factor winner is to have a legion of fans and admirers; young teenage girls who lust after them, put posters up and stroke them each time they go past; small boys having a discrete knuckle -shuffle at semi-naked pictures in gossip magazines, while their mothers are doing the hoovering. Well when one is reading such a magazine one certainly would feel uncomfortable fingering away with little Eeyore splashed in front of one... it would be perverse and, I suspect, illegal! So that's it settled, Eeyore can not win the competition.

My little Crustettes must decided between the gorgeous Alexandra or JLS, although I would like the boys to be returned, naked, to my boudoir before midnight please - we have some recording to do with my new video camera.