Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Morning News - The Balance is Restored!

Mark Warr (left) & Colin Briggs (right) - Newsroom Perfection

My darling Mark Warr, had left information last night, via the Gussetphone, that I may want to adjust my knobs to pick up GMTV straight after the George Clooney of regional news, Colin his-twinkle-makes-y'tingle Briggs had given us his bulletin on the BBC. I may be pleasantly surprised he hinted.

I was intrigued; what on earth was my little poppet asking me to watch that dreadful woman that had replaced him after the Tyne Tees Newsroom Massacre. This individual, Helen PeedOn (or some such fancy) - the person who Crotchet, my pussy, aptly calls Hisssssssss - has blighted our screens for over a month.
I sat in my bed and listened intently as Colin gave us his wonderful bulletin. As he spoke Chef entered and discretely walked to the side of my bed. I took his eggs in my hand and started to bang them on my breakfast tray until I heard them crack. Then I spread soft golden butter on my baps and dismissed him.

Colin, after an effortless performance, said au revoir until his next broadcast and I reluctantly turned to ITV as instructed.

As Penny Smith (a name that's ironic as it appears the poor dear spent the same amount on her new haircut) passed us over to Tyne Tees, I started to feel nauseous. Then a nipple-tweekingly, joyous moment; there in front of me splashed over my 28 incher was my poppet!!!!!

What a stunning performance. He had clearly relaxed in his time away from our screens and Smooth Radio must certainly have been looking after him while he's been filling their slots in the early hours of the morning. It was so refreshing to hear his velvety tones and not that other creature - one is convinced there is a man standing next to a blackboard with a steel gauntlet and running the finger nails down it when she's on ... toying with the North East people.

I now have an understanding of how those people on Cilla Black's Surprise Surprise felt when they were reunited with long lost loved ones.

Balance is restored to the North East - Long may it continue!

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