Saturday, 28 March 2009

Easter Rehearsals Attract Police Attention

The village Easter preparations are continuing in earnest and last night was no exception.

A group of the lady folk of the village were present at the village hall for choir practice - I was in attendance purely as an observer.

Mrs Flecks -the vicar's wife - and her daughter Jenny were there too. One has mentioned before that the less said about the vicar's wife's singing the better and this is certainly the opinion held by all the villagers. She makes Diana Vickers-rhymes-with-knickers sound good.

Last night the choir had finished there rehearsals and the vicar suggested his wife give us all a burst of Phantom of the Opera and Memory from Cats - the latter quite ironic as she actually sounds like a cat when she sings. As she took to the stage I shouted, " The ladies and I will stand outside while you're singing, dear. We will be able to judge better the affects on the day. Come along, ladies!"

We shuffled outside with huge sighs of relief being expelled as we went.

Half way through her Phantom we could see a strange blue light getting stronger on the side of the village hall then, suddenly, there was a screeching of tyres. I turned and saw one of our local boys in blue getting out of his patrol car.

"Everything all right, Dame Crusty? We had a call from someone who heard screaming" He said.

"Yes, dear, thank you. Marjorie Flecks is singing some of her Easter numbers; we thought it prudent to stand outside in case anyone passed by and thought we were performing a human sacrifice inside. Thank you for your vigilance, though."

I have asked my faithful houseboy, Chu Me, to send an urgent message to his mother - who is residing at leisure in a Haitian prison - to try and find a spell that will give Mrs Flecks laryngitis for the Easter period. Let us keep our fingers crossed she is successful.

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