Sunday, 5 April 2009

Quantum of Solace - A Triumph!!

After waiting what seems to have been a decade for the release of Quantum of Solace, the day finally arrived and I sent a member of the household staff out to purchase a copy from our local Tesco.

Crusty was eager to watch the next instalment of the James Bond saga, having thoroughly enjoyed the previous; Casino Royale. One had particularly enjoyed the scenes where Daniel I-carry-my-groceries-in-my-trunks Craig was seen coming out of the sea and, later, canoodling with a young filly on the floor of a beach hut. How Dame Judi Dench kept her hands of him during filming, I do not know - but all respect to her.

Anyhoo .... my faithful houseboy, Chu Me, and I went to Crusty Hall's own cinema room that same night to watch the new blockbuster. I was concerned that reviewers had given Daniel and company a bit of a hard time over the new movie and I wanted to quantify its success for myself.
From the moment it started I was gripped! The car chase through the tunnels of Siena, Italy is gusset-twistingly breathtaking. One would never treat one's own Aston in that fashion but if one has a film company behind you I suppose one can.

Dame Judi, as ever, is sublime in her role as "M" and Crusty was mesmerised by the smoldering, natural beauty of Olga Kurylenko who played a rather ballsy Camille. Chu Me and I were delighted to see that some scenes had been filmed in Haiti; we were convinced at one point we could see Chu Me's mother looking out from her cell window.

The scenery, as one expects from a James Bond production, is stunning and the story is interesting in its introduction to a SPECTRE-esque organisation. Mathieu Amalric is sinister as Dominic Greene, and in many ways reminded one of Kirby vacuum salesman who visited Crusty Hall many years ago; A glint in his eyes and quite sexy in his appearance but deep down pure evil - he kept trying to pressure one to take the 12 inch vibrating, deep -penetrating head from him but I was having non of it. A story for another time perhaps.

But Dame Crusty, I hear you cry, you're usually quiet a critical woman...there must be something you didn't like? Well, my little Crustettes, you would not be wrong in what you say.

The only part of this cinematic explosion of testosterone - packed with greed, love, lust, deception and revenge - was the title song by Alicia Keys; Another Way To Die. Not the most memorable of theme tunes and didn't really know what it wanted to be. It certainly didn't come close to those past iconic numbers from Tina Turner, Gladys Knight and the old broad festooned with sequins and boas, Birley Shassey.

One remembers her first single Fallin, which was a triumph. Then, the music press revealed to us to her history and her qualifications in piano and music, as a result she was a musician. Well I am not unintentially trying to put her down but Crusty was awarded a GCE O'level in Religious Education - it doesn't make her an Archbishop, now does it?

Nevertheless, after the knicker-wettingly exciting start I suppose it does give the audience a suitable length of time to nip off and dry out before the main picture starts.

Quantum of Solace is a gem and Crusty urges everyone to go out and buy it. You will not be disappointed.


  1. Dame Crusty, once again we as a nation we bow to your knowledge. Having read your review of the new 007 movie Quantum of Solace, you should get to grips with Jonathon Wross and explain to him the merits of writing ones own review instead of getting an aide to watch the film, write it for you and then take millions of the tax payers hard earned money. I would ask all Crustettes to encourage you to offer your services for Queen and Country and replace the talentless Jonathon Wrossey.

  2. My dearest poppet,

    Thank you for your kind words, though the thought of getting to grips with Jonathan Ross did rather make my stomach churn. He's such a perculiar specimen, is he not? Mind, I don't care much for his brother either. One expects the parents let out a sigh of relief when they decided to leave home.

    You can be assured that Crusty will continue to act a loyal and devoted representative of Her Maj and our wonderful country and we can only hope that the nation will slowly move away from those incomprehsible utterings of Mr Ross and turn to the Gusset instead, where reviews are given honestly and from the heart.