Smooth Radio - Dame Crusty Thanks You!

Crusty must offer her heartiest thanks to the management team at Smooth Radio.

Crustettes will remember (and I trust are still supporting) Dame Crusty's attempts to have her gorgeous Mark makes-my-mouth-water Warr be given a suitable public position back in the land of television or radio: To cut a long story short, Mark was brutally made redundant by Tyne Tees Telelvision and has been replaced by an insipid, characterless Nana Mouskouri look-a-like with electricity-generating eyelashes and a vocal range only dogs would respond to.

Anyhoo .... the management team have clearly listened to the pleas of Dame Crusty and have recently provided my poppet some practice slots. I hadn't even realised as I had not received any updates from him on the Gussetphone.

It was not until one night, about a week ago, and Crusty Hall was all locked up and Chu Me had gone off to one of the servants quarters to do a spot of DIY for her. It was very late but apparently Chu Me said he'd discovered a crack that urgently needed filling. Honestly, Crustettes, I think that shows to you what a kind and caring person my faithful houseboy is ....he's always thinking of others... he is priceless.

Crusty retired to her quarters and got ready for bed. By the time I had finished my normal rituals of cleansing, moisturising and planting a kiss on the foreheads of my bedside guardians (a silver photo frame on either side of the bed containing pictures of my poppet, Mark, to the left and the George Clooney of regional news, Colin his-twinkle-makes-y'-tingle Briggs to the right) it was just after midnight.

I took hold of the remote for my Bang & Olufsen and turned on the radio to help me relax. I took a mouthful of Gin and lay back in my plumptious pillows. As I began to close my eyes and head into a dreamworld, I was stirred by a voice; a voice of supreme radiophonic quality. There was something familiar about it.

The sound waves of his voice vibrated through my bed clothes and oscillated over my nightwear, sinking through the fabric to cover my velvety, moisturised epidermis with a million explosions of tingleness. Then I heard the words, "...with me Mark Warr".

Well, all I could do was let out a piercing squeal of delight. It was a magical night! Six whole hours we spent together and by the time he'd shot off from the end of his slot, Crusty felt completely satisfied and limp with the excitement of it all.

Again, to the management team of Smooth Radio, Dame Crusty thanks you from the bottom of her heart. As for the other television and radio management teams, you clearly haven't been trying very hard, have you? One expects more from you, dears!