Cheryl - On Her Way Down

Crusty was enjoying her evening local news broadcast from the gorgeous Carol Malia when an olive from her early evening Martini stuck in the back of her throat; My faithful houseboy, Chu Me, had to race to my aid and perform the Heimlich Maneuver.

There, in front of me, Carol was being forced - for the purposes of charity of course - to speak to Cheryl y'-nailed-it Cole.

The Geordie stick insect has been participating in the celebrity climb of Kilimanjaro, while her husband, back home, consumes copious quantities of alcohol in her absence (although I would have expected him to be downing a skinful when Cheryl was at home). But the nauseating little couture calamity has been suffering from altitude sickness; this has included projectile vomiting.

Crusty can empathise with her; she suffers the same reaction when she's on the third floor of Crusty Hall and sees Cheryl's pictures splattered across the gossip magazines.

Anyhoo ... I have thought long and hard on the best course of action to help this "pop singer" reach base camp as quickly as possible to seek medical attention... Crusty would recommend finding a ledge and applying a gentle push between her shoulder blades.