Coleen Goes Dutch?

Crusty was knocked from her bar stool today when she read the two Roonies were expecting a baby.

How could this be, when one of them had sadly left our realm and the other wears tartan?

Then I read closer and realised it was R-O-O-N-E-Y and not R-O-N-N-I-E (I really need to change these glasses…they simply don’t hold enough).

Someone in Twitterland has been posing as Mrs Rooney and spreading disgraceful gossip and confirming reports the couple have managed to breed. However, their publicists have been adamant that Coleen’s twits are fake.

As a frequent flyer around the world of Twitter, along with my internationally famous friends, I must warn my Crustettes that impostors are rife in this twitterlicious meeting place. Why, my dear friend Uncle Dick Madeley advised me that someone had dared pass herself off as his gorgeous and beloved, Judy … OUTRAGEOUS!

Anyhoo … I never thought I had ever seen anything of Coleen Rooney; it was not until Chu Me had said I had watched her on television recently. A blank expression drew across my face – and I had only just opened a fresh bottle! Then he refreshed my memory.

I had sat and watched a program called Coleen’s Real Women. I remembered I had become very irate at why an English title was being given to a foreign program; it was highly misleading!

I watched for at least five minutes and could not understand a word! What made it worse was there were no subtitles, just 5 long minutes of gutteral noises - I thought the poor young thing was suffering from Tuberculosis.

In the end I gave up and begged Chu Me to search the personnel records for Crusty Hall to see if anyone could speak Dutch and translate for me. This time a blank look fell on my faithful houseboy’s face, “But Mistress, she’s Liverpudlian.”

Goodness me!