Friday, 18 December 2009

A Christmas Poem From Crusty

All that I remember
From that freezing Christmas Eve,
Was standing at the window,
In a dressing gown, I believe.
As I released the tied back curtains
And closed the vertical blind,
There was only one important question
Running through my mind.
Is there really such a person
As the legend, Santa Claus?
Does he really come down chimneys?
… Does he never use the doors?
Then suddenly, there came a crash and
I was knocked towards the floor,
I didn’t know what on earth it was
But I really was quite sore.
I sat there limp and slightly dazed
Propped against the bedroom wall,
When my hand fell down between my legs
On something round and small;
I tried to focus, with concussed eyes,
On where my hand had led
But I couldn’t make out what was stuck down there
…it was certainly glowing red.
Then suddenly, up my inner thigh
I felt something hard and furry.
Moving up towards my underwear
…Though not in any hurry.
I grabbed the mystery object
Before it reached my lady-garden
And mustered up the vocal strength
To shout, “I BEG YOUR PARDON!”
All my concentration,
It’s literally what it took,
To raise the object higher
So I could take a closer look.
I blinked my eyes, looked straight ahead
Consumed with dread and fear
But was rather shocked, yet quite surprised
To see a red-nosed, bruised reindeer.
Two huge hands, with sparkling nails,
Pulled the reindeer back, quite slow,
And throughout my destroyed bedroom
Echoed a thunderous, ”Ho! Ho! Ho!”
It was then that I finally realised
That what had happened was quite amazing;
Santa hadn't used a chimney …a door
He’d crashed through my double-glazing!!


  1. LOL. Ribald yet touching. And the bloody things rhymes too! Amazing work, Dame C.

    Merry Christmas too you too!

  2. Uncle Dick, dear!

    Thank you for your kind words.

    One had to imagine oneself as an urban housewife living in a small family dwelling.

    One hopes there is an air of authenticity.

    Love, joy and laughter,

  3. Fabulous my lovely dear Dame!
    Merry Christmas to you.
    Mwah mwah mwah

  4. Brilliant darling!

    Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you & Chu Me!

    Much love,