Friday, 16 October 2009

Cheryl Cole Saves Family and Friends (but the audience may suffer!)

"No, dear! To your mouth"

UK MSN has revealed that Cheryl y'nailed-it Cole will have no family or friends in the audience when she performs her new song on the X Factor's results show this weekend.

In actual fact, one suspects when she opens her mouth and the first note screeches to freedom she'll have very few others in the audience either - all she will hear is the clomping of hundreds of pairs of shoes and the distant banging of an emergency exit.

One prays Chu Me is able to run for the remote in sufficient time, or one doesn't know how one will react. Nevertheless, one has made some preparations by borrowing a pair of travel earplugs from a member of the household staff's bag to put in my pussy, Crotchet's ears (I'll pop them back in her bag when she's not looking ... she'll never know).

Anyhoo ... for those who haven't been in the slightest bit interested, Cheryl will be singing 'live' on Sunday's show (although we shall be the judge of that).

Apparently, the thought of performing 'live' in front of family and friends is just too nerve racking for our poor poppet, made worse by the knowledge that Whitney the Poo will also be performing on the show the same night. I wouldn't worry about her, dear, one has heard the latest offering and she sounds like a docker's daughter.

Incidentally, I heard a rumour in the village that Whitney is flying in specially. Really, dear, you mustn't feel you need to on our account!


  1. Thankyou for the advance warning Dame Crusty. May I suggest you ask Chu Me to pop to the shops and purchase a pair of high quality branded CBG earplugs. Apparantly they are the best money can buy, have a shelf life of more than 17 days and if not satisfied with your purchase, your money will not be refunded. If all else fails, try several Xlarge G&T's.
    Yours stumpette

  2. Thank you for your suggestion poppet. Gins will certainly be the word de jour when that one's on, although one will have to use a plastic tumbler for her 'performance' - for want of a better word - as one doesn't want the shrill vocals shattering one's priceless crystal.

    Love, joy and laughter and happiness ever after