An Easter Parade to Remember.

Well, that’s it for another year; the Easter parade is over and what a success it was!

The whole village came together for one almighty celebration; the choir’s voices were tuned perfectly, Mrs Flecks’ (the vicar's wife) voice was not and Mr Peppercorn’s Easter Bunny costume was outstanding. Everyone gasped in awe at what he had done with his wife’s muff. As rabbit tails go, it was very affective.

We were also delighted that the owner of the village Kebab emporium, Mustafa Sidoon, managed to set up a stall. He had thought he wouldn’t be able to make the festivities due to family commitments but thankfully he turned up much to the delight of Dame Crusty; there nothing I like better than his meat stuffed into a pitta bread with some garlic sauce drizzled over the length of it then gorging myself on its succulencenessness.

I may have mentioned before that Marjorie Flecks’ (the vicar’s wife) voice leaves a lot to be desired; it is of no concern to the vicar he’s half deaf, poor dear, but for the rest of us her “performance” – for want of a better word – was being dreaded by the entire village population. I think in the end, everyone thought well, it’s only a couple of songs, I suppose …little did they know that Crusty had made secret …shall we say …..Military arrangements.

The children of the village put on a marvellous Easter interpretation of Aliens. I must say, at first when the headmaster said perform something from a film that had eggs in it, I had envisaged something a little lighter in spirit, however, the children pulled it off superbly and the tomato ketchup they used for blood came in very handy as an accompaniment to the hotdogs being served.

There was a competition put in place by yours truly; the prize was for a bungee jump down the old well in the grounds of Crust Hall. This, Crusty felt was a brilliant idea; some weeks ago as I was staggering past, I accidentally dropped a rather stunning diamond necklace down it. I was mortified! When the organisers were trying to think of something to interest the villagers I thought this would be perfect. Someone could win a bungee jump AND collect my necklace at the same time. I think you will agree that it was an brilliant two hands in the bush scenario.

Anyhoo…. Back to Marjorie Flecks. She certainly didn’t disappoint the crowd in her attire. Festooned in non matching, stomach-wrenchingly bright floral prints, she took to the stage to sing her medley of Andrew Lloyd-Webber classics (although, they wouldn’t be classics for much longer). One could feel the anxiety of the crowd as she clomped up the stage steps.

It was at this point that Crusty’s plan came into force; As the crowd hunched their shoulders and screwed their faces in anticipation, I took the torch I had tucked in my garter and flashed. One of the children who happened to be looking at the time nearly dropped his ice cream. I quickly took the torch and signalled to my secret contact.

As Marjorie bowed to the crowd and curtsied to Crusty, she took a deep breath as the introduction started for her first song. At that very moment as the first note squeaked from her windpipe, the Military brass band I had secretly arranged began to play.

I must say that Marjorie’s face was a picture; she was so distracted and caught off guard I actually think she hit a right note.

All I can say is roll on next year.

Incidentally, Chu Me sat on the pole all day and no one managed to pull him off for a pound, although one of the residents from the village care home put in a valiant effort before her wrists gave in and she needed oxygen due to exhaustion.