Dame Crusty On Tour.

Dame Crusty is on tour for a week.

I have decided that my faithful houseboy, Chu Me and I will go to Crusty Towers (in the centre of Valencia) for a short break. He has looked very frail since that fox viciously ripped the head of his cock off and I think the break will do him good.

As misfortune would have it, I was notified at an unacceptable hour that the private jet would be in for a service. I couldn’t change the arrangements as Chu Me would be devastated, so instead I had him reserve flights with a company called Easyjet – the company with the colours of a Benwell slapper’s false tan.

I gave instructions that Crusty must be upgraded but was horrified to hear that this company didn’t have the facilities to upgrade; At this point Chu Me had transferred the call to speakerphone.

The representative on the other end of the line said if I was to be upgraded, I would have to sit in the captain’s seat. I shouted, “As long as it has a cup holder, poppet, I have no objections.”

“I was being funny.” She replied.

“Well, very nearly, dear!” I said.

So on Wednesday 15th April Dame Crusty will be travelling to Barcelona with the masses and to make matters worse will be travelling back with them on Thursday 23rd. Thank goodness the Crusty Carriage arrived in Barcelona in time to be linked to the train that is to take us to Valencia or I think I would have cancelled the whole trip.

Let us hope old Señor Sun is wearing his hat when Crusty arrives.