Mystical Mistress Crusty Answers Your Letters

Well, since reporting my new found role as Agony Aunt to the nation, my box has been well and truly filled...and as one suspected, it was agony. There are far too many to go through but I have selected a few urgent ones:

Dame Crusty,

My non-existent bust is ruining my life! My uncle grew breasts taking hormone tablets for prostate cancer - would they work?

Pippa, 26

I'm sure they would, dear, but you must make sure your uncle hasn't grown attached to his fine pair of bangers before you have them fitted.

I have a lump in my neck that looks like an Adam's Apple. Am I turning into a man?

Jean, Oxford

I would have to say not, poppet, but if you find yourself scratching a pair of balls in your downstairs area while watching the football, I would seek medical advise immediately.

Dearest Crusty,

I've tried Viagra but still can't get an erection....

Raul, 36

Thank you for sharing, dear, but you're no use to me....try Jeremy Kyle!