BAFTA - Where Are You Stephen Fry?

On Sunday night, Dame Crusty settled in the television room to watch this years BAFTA awards.

I was in awe at some of the fabulous frocks that all the movie star were sashaying up the red carpet in; our own Kate Winslett looked gorgeous as ever and proved she is an up and coming jewel in the crown of our nations crown and Penelope Cruz was just dripping heavenliness.

But as I sat stroking Crotchet, my pussy, with my tray of nibbles and a jug of Gordon's at my side my heightened sense of glee went down quicker than a kiss-and-tell-slapper at a nightclub full of premier footballers. Yes, although Mickey Rourke turned the air of the Royal Opera House blue, the presenter, Jonathon Ross, turned the whole evening grey; if he'd had a clipboard in his hand, I swear I would have thought it was Dennis Norden!

BAFTA ... Dame Crusty is very cross with you; for such a stylish event we really need to have the wonderful, intelligent and articulate Stephen Fry back. Please see to it!