Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Chu Me Finds A Secret Chamber at Crusty Hall

Regular readers of Dame Crusty’s internet postings – and I’m sure there must be some – will already know my faithful houseboy, Chu Me, has began a hobby of keeping hens in the grounds of Crusty Hall.

At first I assumed the reason for it was to rekindle memories of his life back in his village back home, in a land far, far away. However, one afternoon as we sat by the side of the heated indoor pool playing an interesting game of Backgammon, I felt something something stirring inside me that urged me to probe deeper.

I asked him why, all of a sudden, he had wanted to keep these birds when he had never shown interest before. His answer surprised me, my Crustettes, I can tell you.

He told me of an evening not so long ago; I was in my bedroom, lying face down on a tear soaked bed, surrounded by sodden tissues I had used to wipe my bloodshot – yet stunning – blue eyes; I was in one of my “zones” (I believe the sportsmen call it), where the thought of me losing the daily dose of my little Mark Warr had welled up inside of me to such a bursting point that tears, wailing and tearing at Egyptian Cotton sheets with my beautifully manicured fingernails was my only release.

On that night, Chu Me, feeling completely unable to comfort me, had gone for a walk around the corridors of Crusty Hall. He came across a room that had not been used for many years; it was a room I had used as a small Damelette, when I had started to collect stuffed birds. I had completely forgotten about it!!

We stood and he led me to the room. As we walked, I cast my mind back; I had not been collecting long and only managed a few pieces before I got bored with the idea – in truth, I had searched high and low for a Shag but it wasn’t to be. Chu Me told me when he opened the door to my dusty chamber, he saw my magnificent pair of Tits resting on two rosewood plinths and his jaw dropped open.

Sure enough we entered the room and my Tits (Great Tits, actually dear) were standing proud in front of me. I turned to him and grinned excitedly, “well if you like these, dear, you will love what else I have to show you!”

I immediately pulled back the covers and let him feast his eyes on my Malay Cock ... Pullet … and Swallow.

As we closed the door and headed for the pool once more, I do believe we were both satisfied and I began to understand the birth of his recent hobby.

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