Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Edwina Currie - GMTV Consumer Champion

GMTV has recruited the formidable Edwina Currie as their consumer champion.

I was enthralled yesterday morning at the Rottweiller method she used on a furniture company in Wales who had sold ... well ... a piece of shite ... to a local family.

Edwina used her investigative MP skills to question the mother of the family on what had happened. After gathering all her evidence, she sprang to the telephone and called the offending company. What followed next was the most incredible television I have witnessed since [fill in the blank].

If you have a dicky ticker please read on with caution!

The following is not an exact transcript but I feel it holds all the suspense and tension that was evident in the piece:

E.C. : Hello is that Fur*?=[@;*re Limited

Saleswoman: Yes

E.C. : My name is Edwina Currie from GMTV and I'm calling about a complaint, can I speak to the store manager please?

Saleswoman: I'm sorry, he's not in today.

E.C. : Well it's about a complaint regarding the Clampets (for want of a better name). Are you aware of the history?

Saleswoman: No, you'd be better speaking to the manager about that, but he's not in today. He's back tomorrow.

E.C: He's back tomorrow, is he?

Saleswoman: Yes.

E.C. : Then I shall call tomorrow.

My heart's still pounding in my chest as I type and my smalls could do with a good scrub....

NEXT WEEK: Edwina books in her car for a service. A loyal and trusty Crustette has stolen a sneak preview:

E.C.: Good morning, can I book my car in for a service?

Jim: Not this week, love!

E.C: Then I shall call back next week.


  1. ....unless John Major's going to service her in which case I imagine she'd be more persistent on an appointment.

    Ophelia Buttocks

  2. Yes, my dear Ophelia, I think you are right. The thought of Mr. Major rooting around in her undercarriage while she lay back on the ramps with her plugs exposed would indeed give her new momentum.