Her Serene Highness Carol of Malia - queen of evening television news - revealed tonight that she is expecting the pitter-patter of tiny feet!! (and I don't mean Jeff Brown's)
I was so shocked I nearly spat an olive clean across the Grand Piano in the ballroom. Crusty is over the moon for the little darling!
As soon as I heard her make the announcement, I sent word to the Haitian prison where Chu Me's mother is leisurely residing, to see if she could pluck some wool from the sheep passing by the barbed-wire fencing and start knitting some appropriately gorgeous garments in preparation for the new arrival.
I have even found a copy of a knitting pattern, from an old Woman's Weekly, stuffed underneath one of the drinks cabinets, so Crusty may even attempt to knit a little something herself ...ah! ...that was keeping the cabinet level and I can't have valuable gin bottles rattling about...so back to plan A.
From all at Crusty Hall, a hearty congratulations to the happy couple on their fabulous news and if you need maternity cover, I know a stunning little stud-muffin who could stand in for one.
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