Sunday, 28 March 2010

The Queen of Regional News Returns.

Walking past the breakfast room this morning, one heard a strange noise which aroused one’s curiosity.

Pushing the door open slowly, in case anyone unsavoury had violated one’s inner sanctum, one found Crotchet rubbing the sides of his face against the side of the television in the corner. He was purring furiously and his tail was quivering as he conducted his rubbing ritual.

“Crotchet dear!” One shouted, “What on earth are you doing? Stop that at once!”

He immediately, jumped down from the table but weaved and turned frantically below it.

“What’s the matter, dear? Tell mummy.”

He sat and fixed his gaze upon the screen, which was showing some piece of Sunday nonsense. Well it couldn’t be that; the few minutes one saw were as absorbing as one of the vicar’s sermons. Picking up the remote one remembered the wonders of Sky+ and rewound the channel. It was then that all became clear.

The queen of North East evening news (and one suspects national news also … but you can’t have her), Her Serene Highness Carol Malia, is returning to our screens after her time off to give birth to her delicious baby daughter, Anna Margaret. One squealed with joy and lifting Crotchet into one’s arms. We danced around the breakfast table in celebration.

As a distant fairy godmother, one has arranged for the Doctor Christian Room to be cleaned thoroughly, then sealed until tomorrow evening. A bottle of Pere Ventura is being chilled and Chef has promised a delicious selection of nibbles so Chu Me and I can savour every minute of her return.


  1. I do love it when you talk inner sanctum!

    Unfortunately, I've never heard of Carol Malia but I bet she can't hold a candle to Annabel Tiffin.

    [You're not going to believe it but my CAPTCHA word today in 'BONING'! I couldn't make this up...]

  2. My dearest Uncle Dick,

    One can only offer you one's sympathies that you have not had the pleasure of the delicious Carol Malia. However, one understands the world of regional news presenting is highly competitive, so suspect Carol would be more than willing to hold a candle to Miss Tiffin ... especially were she to be wearing too much hairspray and a polyester blend.

    As for your CAPTCHA word; one's word was 'BOINNG' which, coincidentally, is the sound one would expect to hear during the very practice of your 'BONING'.

    Honestly, dear, one often thinks we are mystically linked!

    Love, joy and laughter,