Sunday, 28 March 2010

Your Country Chose You, Josh.

Ever since one was a little Damelette, one has had an intense passion for the Eurovision Song Contest, despite Terry Wogan and Katie Boyle.

One was thrilled last year to see the gorgeous Graham Norton and the delicious Andrew Lloyd-Webber putting so much effort into getting the nation behind our entry; weeks of different styles of song; the great British public voting for their favourite, then the stunning Jade being triumphant and amazing our European brothers and sisters with 'It’s My Time'.

Despite the fact it wasn’t, she did us proud and achieved a magnificent position on the scoreboard and now has a prominent position in the pop group The Sugacubes … Sugababes (thank you, Chu Me) and let’s be frank, it’s about time they had a group member who could sing, is it not?

However, it dismays one terrible that this year, it appears, we are not putting as much effort into things. We have gone to the enormous trouble of gaining the skills and Mike Stock and Pete Waterman to produce a toe-tapping ditty but the nation had to make their decision after a piss-poor karaoke session from our finalists and a shot at our Eurovision entry. Then all 60 million people had to pick up their phones and vote while a rather pleasing Norwegian sang about his fairy tale and before the kitchen kettle boiled. Crusty was outraged, though, one must confess, one felt the right selection was made with the lovely Josh Dubovie.

One does think Alexis (not Carrington-Colby-Dexter from Dynasty) also had stage presence, a rather pleasing aesthetic quality and a lovely smile … as well as a lovely voice, of course. One took a shine to this talented little poppet as soon as he revealed his head on stage.

That aside, what about the other four finalists. Well, one was very disappointed, one must say.

We had Karen, who we were told had a husky voice and a husky voice she had indeed. While Graham was introducing her, one looked around the Drawing Room to find Crotchet and when she started singing in the background, one felt Coronation Street’s Phyllis had resurrected and put herself forward … but where was Percy?

UniFive, Uni5, or some such nonsense, certainly seemed to have had potential. The BBC website tells us, '5 singers and dancers come together for YCNY'. Well, one’s quite sure they do, dear, but this is a singing competition and we'll have none of that filthy nonsense!

Anyhoo … they may come together but their harmonies seem to speed of into the sunset, in different directions and on totally different modes of transport.

Miss Fitz were the greatest disappointment. After their sassed up interpretation of Brittle Spear’s ‘Toxic’ on Britain’s Got Talent one wished they had done a similar thing with the S.A.W. number, then one thinks they could have been the viewers’ choice.

Finally, we were presented with Asthma, or some such fancy. An absolutely gorgeous creature with eyes like cooling pools of infinite deepness. Sadly, her performances were not worthy of our nation’s representation. Looking like a non-cast member of the Glee club she blasted her song selections from the deepest pit of her lungs. Her enthusiasm, however, made her lose her energy through her first number. This was self evident at one point when she rolled her eyes as if to say, “How long does this song go on for!?”

Her dancing was that of a young lady, with little confidence, on a night out at a local social club and one screamed at the screen for a member of the production crew to drop a handbag at her feet and a Bacardi Breezer in her hand, at least to make her feel a little more comfortable.

The one thing that let her down most of all, however, was her breath control. One has never seen a performer draw in oxygen during a lyric (unless of course they can breathe through their ears) and one feels this was her downfall with the forgetting of words and the need to apologise to the audience.

Honestly poppets, Fanny’s mother has better breath control and she’s on 80 a day!

Despite the lack of effort put in by the BBC – no doubt, because of their search for a Dorothy (one has come across many a Dorothy, poppets … and trust me … they’re not that difficult to find) – one hopes all one’s poppets, twitterchums and Crustettes will get behind the deliciously sexy Josh and keep their fingers crossed we have a win in 2010.

1 comment:

  1. Having missed all of this as it happened, I am truly grateful to you for your report! Hoping you are well.