Saturday, 26 September 2009

Whitney the Poo Out From Poo Corner.

Whitney at a recent Come As Joan Rivers
party in Hollywood.

One was greatly disappointed watching Telecinco recently – while relaxing with my dear Catalan friends in Barcelona - to see that Whitney the Poo has managed to clean herself up.

In an exclusive interview, with the gorgeous Oprah Winfrey, she revealed with the aid of soft lighting, precisely applied make up, carefully coiffured hair and correct camera angles, that her mother had dragged her back from the brink of insanity and the dark, desolate world of drugs; furthermore, from the clutches of Bobby My-Perogative-My-Only-Hit Brown.

Her mother, Cissy Houston, had had enough and evidently turned up at Poo’s house one day with legal papers to take her into rehab. As she poured out her feelings, Cissy pleading to have her daughter’s sparkling eyes back (why they had been lent out in the first place, is unclear). Then, turning to Bobby My-Perogative-My-Only-Hit Brown, she warned him not to make a move, or interfere, otherwise the sheriff and his men would go down on him.

Whitney the Poo - for the aid of one’s younger poppets who won’t have a clue who she is/was – hit the charts in the eighties with the hit ‘Saving All My Love For You’. Very similar to the take off of Mariah Scarey, Poo sang beautifully on her debut single, then sadly as the hits began spouting forth from the record company, she realised she had a set of lungs on her and decided emotion was not the methodology she would use, simply scream out the lyrics from the cusp of her diaphragm (poppets would be advised to cross reference ‘I Will Always Love You’ by Poo and by the writer, Dolly Parton, to see how emotion in the song can give it completeness).

At the start of the interview the magnificent Oprah, gushes over Whitney and recollects the first time they met and she realised Poo had ‘the voice’; with the likes of such vocal talents as Babs Streisand, Anastacia, Chaka Khan, Beverley Knight and Dame Vera Lynn, let’s be honest, she has ‘a voice’. Further more; one is quite sure that one could replicate it - quite easily - with the aid of a set of bellows and a kazoo.

Whitney, divulges that while she was lying around her lavish home high on Cocaine and Marjories-wanna she didn’t even think about her singing (It appears we have something in common) but thanks to her mother she has now brought out another single and her singing career has risen from the ashes. (Thank you Cissy! Your daughter wanted to run an organic fruit stall on a Caribbean Island with her daughter but you got her back to a microphone! One cannot find the words!)

Anyhoo … the damage is done and the single has been released on the world like a genetically modified H1N1 Flu virus. For those of my poppets who feel the need to buy it, please keep the volume down or one shall have to dive for the muffs.

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