Dame Crusty Ponders - Marsh or Quagmire?

On Thursday evening, one was reclining on the chaise in the conservatory watching one’s weekly mental injection of political shenanigans on the glorious BBC; Question Time and This Week.

One normally doesn’t step into the world of politics. One does not possess shoes of adequate dullness, which could be deemed appropriate enough to step into the cess pit of self importance and spin-laden nonsense offered by our MPs.

Anyhoo … having watched a less than eventful Question Time and while waiting for the commencement of the Dame Crusty Follow Friday Frenzy in the Twitterverse, Chu Me poured one a Baccarat tumbler of gin and one settled back to view This Week. There is always a little game Chu Me and I like to play. We see who can guess the colour of Andrew Neil’s hair … against those set out on the Cuprinol colour card. This week he had opted for a dark mahogany (and by the looks of it, one was unclear if he had had it applied with a brush or if he had, instead, been dipped).

During the introduction of this week’s guests, one found a vaporised spray of gin exploding from one’s lips as Andrew described Jodie Marsh as “a bodybuilding glamourpuss”!

One was astounded!

One was not quite sure if “glamourpuss” was the correct descriptive. Yes, the ending could certainly be “uss” … but with a nose that even Michael Jackson would have laughed at and returned for a full refund, one fancies a far more appropriate stem would’ve been “hiddy”.

Caroline Flint - Europe Minister or Vampire?

It was a cold, cold night and Crusty was draped on the sofa in the drawing room, slowly dropping off watching television while, at the same time, being careful not to tip her tumbler to the point of spillage.

Suddenly, I nearly jumped out of my skin as a shrill scream reverberated throughout the room.

I opened my eyes, my heart pounding in my bosom and saw my faithful houseboy, Chu Me, shaking uncontrollably next to the bookshelves with a rather gorgeous scatter cushion pressed to his face.

“Chu Me! What on earth is the matter? You nearly give me a heart attack!” I shouted.

He explained that he was petrified when ever “this film” was on. Dracula’s Bride was the scariest films he had ever seen.

“But this is Question Time, dear, and that’s not Dracula’s bride….that’s Caroline Flint, our Europe Minister.”

It took me some time to reassure him and prove to him who she was and, finally, he relaxed.

Caroline, dear, a pearl of wisdom from a Dame to someone as insignificant as you… when a lady gets to a certain age (and I think you know what I mean) one really should use lighter colourants on one’s hair. Otherwise the colour drains the face … and, poppet ... it would appear your floodgates have been wedged open.