Thursday, 15 September 2011

UK Deploys Weapon of Mass Destruction in Afghanistan

One awoke this morning to the wonderful – and long awaited – news that the Ministry of Defence had finally chosen to deploy our most heinous, lethal and abhorrent weapon into the heart of Afghanistan, in an attempt to bring the eternal battle there to an end; Cheryl y’nailed-it Cole.

While munching on a length of Mr. Peppercorn’s meaty sausage in the sumptuous comfort of one’s bed, one nodded approvingly at the decision that had been made. One’s faithful houseboy Chu Me attempted to tell one that she had gone there to motivate the troops, however, having burst into a state of hysterical laughter, with glistening droplets of joyous tears streaming down one’s face for 22½ minutes, one assured him his interpretation of the news was quite ludicrous. One still suffers a tad gigglelicious moistness at the thought even now.

Anyhoo … one is quite confident that, with the aid of some loud speakers strategically placed throughout the country and an impromptu concert where she sings a short (the shorter the better, dear!) medley of her hit, we will soon see the Taliban insurgents willingly jumping onto their own roadside IEDs and swan-diving majestically from the roof tops of tall buildings into the most densely packed areas of their deadly minefields with a overwhelming sense of urgency and purpose.

Once they have been taken care of, there is no reason, that one can see, why we can’t have all our brave troops back home with their loved ones by teatime on Saturday.


  1. I'm sure we may have even more weapons of mass destruction hidden away probably waiting in the wings of the X factor stage.

  2. Dear Dame Crusty,
    You have spoiled us once again with your wonderful hilarious wordsmith skills.
    A brilliant piece of writing as always. I adore your work.
    Brilliant !!!
    Your Humble servant Caroline X X X.