The Wags War is entering a new phase according to Closer magazine.
Victoria Beckham has hit back at the clusters of projectile poison Cheryl y-nailed it Cole has been firing at her.
Victoria apparently finds it ironic that Cheryl bitches about her recent fashion range; She says before they were friends, Cheryl - the ample ankle antagonist - had no idea about fashion or couture and couldn’t manage to put an outfit together.
It would appear nothing’s changed, dear; all that money and she still looks a state!
Showing posts with label Victoria Beckham. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Victoria Beckham. Show all posts
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
More Annoying Than Cheryl Cole? Surely Not!
Just when I thought there was no one more annoying then Cheryl y’nailed-it Cole, I was surpised to come across just that in Michelle Heaton.
Michelle is, as it seems always necessary for magazines to remind us, a former popstar from a group called Liberty X, whose many memorable hits include ……..er…….oh wasn’t …..well, perhaps you can look them up at your leisure!
Crustettes will recognise her from Celebrity Big Brother 2009 and every glossy gossip magazine being published at the moment; she has scarily plucked, shaped eyebrows with a high forehead like a Klingon warrior.
She’s reported to have told New magazine that she feels she could never be a model and Crusty, for one, would never ever want her to be; there’s a certain look that one must have to be successfully splashed across glossy pages and loved by the masses and, sadly dear, you don’t have it.
Crusty believes the proof of the pudding is in the photoshoot carried out by New magazine where they attempt to put Michelle in the same poses as the gorgeous Victoria Beckham from her recent Armani advertisements. In these adverts Victoria pulls off the sultry poses with amazing success, however, poor Michelle ....well ..... she struggles indeed and on one photograph sat at the end of a bed pouting with a short, curly hairstyle actual is more akin to Tom Jones in a black bra and granny pants than the delectable Mrs. B.
Though modelling is clearly not for her, thankfully she is eloquent. In the same magazine she is asked a question about an alleged affair with Eastenders parcel of perfection Matt Di Angelo and answers, “ I answered what I answered last year, so you can get some answers from that."
Don’t try riddles, dear, your boobs will burst!
Michelle is, as it seems always necessary for magazines to remind us, a former popstar from a group called Liberty X, whose many memorable hits include ……..er…….oh wasn’t …..well, perhaps you can look them up at your leisure!
Crustettes will recognise her from Celebrity Big Brother 2009 and every glossy gossip magazine being published at the moment; she has scarily plucked, shaped eyebrows with a high forehead like a Klingon warrior.
She’s reported to have told New magazine that she feels she could never be a model and Crusty, for one, would never ever want her to be; there’s a certain look that one must have to be successfully splashed across glossy pages and loved by the masses and, sadly dear, you don’t have it.
Crusty believes the proof of the pudding is in the photoshoot carried out by New magazine where they attempt to put Michelle in the same poses as the gorgeous Victoria Beckham from her recent Armani advertisements. In these adverts Victoria pulls off the sultry poses with amazing success, however, poor Michelle ....well ..... she struggles indeed and on one photograph sat at the end of a bed pouting with a short, curly hairstyle actual is more akin to Tom Jones in a black bra and granny pants than the delectable Mrs. B.
Though modelling is clearly not for her, thankfully she is eloquent. In the same magazine she is asked a question about an alleged affair with Eastenders parcel of perfection Matt Di Angelo and answers, “ I answered what I answered last year, so you can get some answers from that."
Don’t try riddles, dear, your boobs will burst!
Saturday, 10 January 2009
Cole v Beckham - WAG's WAR
In a recent interview with Vogue magazine – the one she allegedly stormed out of because she wasn’t receiving enough attention from the stylist – Cheryl y’nailed- it Cole has dug her false nails firmly into the back of Poshtoria Beckham.
This is as a result of the incredible disappearing Cheryl not being contacted by Poshtoria, when it was alleged her husband, Ashley, had been getting more than and cut and blow-dry from a kiss-and-tell hairdresser.
Cheryl reveals to us she was quite shocked as she and Poshtoria have been to the same barbecues! Yes, but I suspect that she, like Crusty, would have thought you were just serving the food, dear.
Always remember, barbecues in the world of celebrity aren’t the same as the ones you have on the council estate back home; it’s an opportunity simply to be gorgeous and offer the odd “mwah, mwah, darling” to those you wish to network with.
This is as a result of the incredible disappearing Cheryl not being contacted by Poshtoria, when it was alleged her husband, Ashley, had been getting more than and cut and blow-dry from a kiss-and-tell hairdresser.
Cheryl reveals to us she was quite shocked as she and Poshtoria have been to the same barbecues! Yes, but I suspect that she, like Crusty, would have thought you were just serving the food, dear.
Always remember, barbecues in the world of celebrity aren’t the same as the ones you have on the council estate back home; it’s an opportunity simply to be gorgeous and offer the odd “mwah, mwah, darling” to those you wish to network with.
It certainly shouldn’t be used as an opportunity to drag an ambassador of our great nation into a world of mucky sleaze and allegation…that is better dealt with in private, dear, behind closed doors.
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Victoria Beckham - Paranoia over lads nights out
You will remember that Crusty has been drawn to the world of gossip mags recently.
It had always held a fascination to me what poor people read to entertain and educate themselves and once the discovery was made, I must confess, Crusty managed to bring the gap between privilege and abject poverty just that little bit closer. In fact, since the revelations of the pit bull with the lipstick, who discovered her fiance was making merry with his best man, I have not been able to pass a gossip magazine without curiosity getting the better of me.
I was walking down Northumberland Street the other night , with members of my security team, when I saw a homeless gentleman huddled up near the doorway of Monument Mall. I noticed the corner of a page with the half-visible headline "Paranoid Posh warns David ... No more lads".
I was aroused; or rather my curiosity was.
The homeless person was asleep, so I ripped it from the inside of his trouser leg and saw the full title; Paranoid Posh warns David: No more lads nights out.
It would appear that fashion icon David has long been a friend of TV Chef Gordon Ramsay. The two have spent a lot of time together since David and Poshtoria moved to LA. The fear Poshtoria has is that, following the alleged affair Gordon had with some bring-and-buy-sell-it-and-tell-it female, Victoria is worried David will do the same.
I must confess, some time ago I was left with a void in my televisual viewing of an evening, when Jenny Barnett ended her run on Good Food Live. In its place we were subjected to Market Kitchen. This, in itself, was not a problem - the scrummy Matt Tebbut, Amanda Lamb (more recently) and surprisingly pleasing Tom Parker-Bowles all maintaining one's interest.
The downside for Dame Crusty was the inclusion of Tana Ramsay at its inception (wife of the aforementioned alleged scoundrel). On the personalityomoter, set at a very delicate and highly sensitive setting of zero to one, Mrs R struggled to make the needle twitch.
One night in the main drawing room I remember watching a delightful recipe, while Chu Me sat in the corner furiously rubbing something - I presume it was the silver but the bulb had blown next to the book shelves so I am unsure of the detail. I screamed at Chu Me " MY GOD! TANA'S FALLEN ON THE FLOOR!!".
Chu Me screamed and lept up; my heart was pounding and then I realised all was well; the chef had simply dropped his wooden spoon.
Poor Chu Me didn't know whether he was coming or going, I can tell you.
Marital problems are never a pleasant experience and I certainly hope Mr and Mrs Ramsay can solve any problems they have; I certainly hope it will not influence his preparation of my Creamy Drizzle the next time I visit his establishment.
I am quite sure the fashionably thin Tana will realise why he did what he did, if in fact he did do it with whom he is supposed to have done it with and all will be glorious in the garden of life once more.
Poshtoria, on the other hand, must realise that David is one of those creatures who is equally adored and lusted after by millions; by women and men alike, so she must feel resigned to feeling uncomfortable at any social function.
Just remember, dear, you both have been joined in matrimony under the eyes and blessing of the good Lord and have successfully continued to breed. Those things alone are special enough to create a life long bond.
Having said that, Crusty is always here if you need to talk.
It had always held a fascination to me what poor people read to entertain and educate themselves and once the discovery was made, I must confess, Crusty managed to bring the gap between privilege and abject poverty just that little bit closer. In fact, since the revelations of the pit bull with the lipstick, who discovered her fiance was making merry with his best man, I have not been able to pass a gossip magazine without curiosity getting the better of me.
I was walking down Northumberland Street the other night , with members of my security team, when I saw a homeless gentleman huddled up near the doorway of Monument Mall. I noticed the corner of a page with the half-visible headline "Paranoid Posh warns David ... No more lads".
I was aroused; or rather my curiosity was.
The homeless person was asleep, so I ripped it from the inside of his trouser leg and saw the full title; Paranoid Posh warns David: No more lads nights out.
It would appear that fashion icon David has long been a friend of TV Chef Gordon Ramsay. The two have spent a lot of time together since David and Poshtoria moved to LA. The fear Poshtoria has is that, following the alleged affair Gordon had with some bring-and-buy-sell-it-and-tell-it female, Victoria is worried David will do the same.
I must confess, some time ago I was left with a void in my televisual viewing of an evening, when Jenny Barnett ended her run on Good Food Live. In its place we were subjected to Market Kitchen. This, in itself, was not a problem - the scrummy Matt Tebbut, Amanda Lamb (more recently) and surprisingly pleasing Tom Parker-Bowles all maintaining one's interest.
The downside for Dame Crusty was the inclusion of Tana Ramsay at its inception (wife of the aforementioned alleged scoundrel). On the personalityomoter, set at a very delicate and highly sensitive setting of zero to one, Mrs R struggled to make the needle twitch.
One night in the main drawing room I remember watching a delightful recipe, while Chu Me sat in the corner furiously rubbing something - I presume it was the silver but the bulb had blown next to the book shelves so I am unsure of the detail. I screamed at Chu Me " MY GOD! TANA'S FALLEN ON THE FLOOR!!".
Chu Me screamed and lept up; my heart was pounding and then I realised all was well; the chef had simply dropped his wooden spoon.
Poor Chu Me didn't know whether he was coming or going, I can tell you.
Marital problems are never a pleasant experience and I certainly hope Mr and Mrs Ramsay can solve any problems they have; I certainly hope it will not influence his preparation of my Creamy Drizzle the next time I visit his establishment.
I am quite sure the fashionably thin Tana will realise why he did what he did, if in fact he did do it with whom he is supposed to have done it with and all will be glorious in the garden of life once more.
Poshtoria, on the other hand, must realise that David is one of those creatures who is equally adored and lusted after by millions; by women and men alike, so she must feel resigned to feeling uncomfortable at any social function.
Just remember, dear, you both have been joined in matrimony under the eyes and blessing of the good Lord and have successfully continued to breed. Those things alone are special enough to create a life long bond.
Having said that, Crusty is always here if you need to talk.
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