Well, since reporting my new found role as Agony Aunt to the nation, my box has been well and truly filled...and as one suspected, it was agony. There are far too many to go through but I have selected a few urgent ones:
Dame Crusty,
My non-existent bust is ruining my life! My uncle grew breasts taking hormone tablets for prostate cancer - would they work?
Pippa, 26
I'm sure they would, dear, but you must make sure your uncle hasn't grown attached to his fine pair of bangers before you have them fitted.
I have a lump in my neck that looks like an Adam's Apple. Am I turning into a man?
Jean, Oxford
I would have to say not, poppet, but if you find yourself scratching a pair of balls in your downstairs area while watching the football, I would seek medical advise immediately.
Dearest Crusty,
I've tried Viagra but still can't get an erection....
Raul, 36
Thank you for sharing, dear, but you're no use to me....try Jeremy Kyle!
Showing posts with label Agony Aunt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Agony Aunt. Show all posts
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Dame Crusty - A Mystical Agony Aunt for the 21st Century.
I've known for some time that many of my Crustettes look upon me as a sort of mother figure.
One girl, recently, even said she looked upon me as a grandmother figure, until a swift application of the heel of my hand to her nose made her change her opinion rather quickly. Many believe with my wealth of worldly experience and, some say, mystical powers I am the ideal person from whom to seek advice and one has no problems – time permitting – to act as mystical agony aunt to my loyal followers.
Anyhoo ….I was shredding some Crustette correspondence the other yesterday and came across the very email that got me started on my journey to Agony Auntdom; A little poppet – I shall call her Virginia - from down south wrote;
Dear Dame Crusty,
My fiancé walked out of my life for no reason. I’m devastated and don’t think I can go on. I’d like to know if we’ll ever get back together again?
I pondered for a long time over this question before preparing my lengthy response to my troubled poppet;
My Dearest Virgina,
No.
DCG
I haven’t heard from Virginia since sending her answer, so I trust all is well.
One girl, recently, even said she looked upon me as a grandmother figure, until a swift application of the heel of my hand to her nose made her change her opinion rather quickly. Many believe with my wealth of worldly experience and, some say, mystical powers I am the ideal person from whom to seek advice and one has no problems – time permitting – to act as mystical agony aunt to my loyal followers.
Anyhoo ….I was shredding some Crustette correspondence the other yesterday and came across the very email that got me started on my journey to Agony Auntdom; A little poppet – I shall call her Virginia - from down south wrote;
Dear Dame Crusty,
My fiancé walked out of my life for no reason. I’m devastated and don’t think I can go on. I’d like to know if we’ll ever get back together again?
I pondered for a long time over this question before preparing my lengthy response to my troubled poppet;
My Dearest Virgina,
No.
DCG
I haven’t heard from Virginia since sending her answer, so I trust all is well.
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